Crazy Opportunity knocks - nobody is home!
On a dreary cold Monday afternoon, I jump off the bus and head into my nice warm & comfy homestead. My hubby hands me a flyer that someone had placed in our mailbox about a missing cat. The cat had last been seen five days ago. Well, I recognize the cat as a friendly little guy I had seen in my back yard a few weeks ago. And while I hadn't seen him within the last five days, I did want to let the family know that the cat frequents my back yard, which is conveniently located next to a jungle of a yard (house that was burnt due to fire and has been left abandoned for 2 years)... so I worry that the cat may be stuck in the ghetto fire house basement.

I spoke to the mom and informed her that I thought possibly the cat could be trapped in the abandoned house. She thanked me profusely for responding to her flyer, and she informed me that out of 25 flyers they posted around the neighborhood, my husband and I were the only ones to respond. We had a great conversation and I found out she does dog walking as a side job, which I've always been interested in, being the dog lover that I am. Now I'm intrigued and would love to meet this frinedly neighbor due to the dog walking info...

She called me today to let me know she found her beloved cat traipsing around the neighborhood, phew! The cat is home safe and sound. We continued our nice conversation. She mentioned that she'd love to stop by my house and introduce me to her children (okay, I love dogs, but children -- not so much...well, just kidding, I do love children that I know, but not random other people's kids!).. so I'm thinking, ummm Okay... -- ummm -- My husband and I will be home this evening passing out candy to trick/treaters, to which she mentions "Oh, we don't celebrate holidays. We are johova witnesses".

Me, thinking in my head not saying out loud, [Here we go again. I get roped into these crazy situations far too often and the darn cat was probably never lost, but this was a secret ploy to get folks into their cult], but what I say is "Oh, that's cool." [That's Cool? What the HEdouble hockey stick kind of a response is that to "I'm a jahova witness????]

So I kinda rush off the phone and think, "Oh, crap, now I'm going to have this holy roller johova witness person stalking me.".... I went out to get my nails done, and sure 'nuf, I get home and there's a crazy flyer in the mailbox from the cult neighbor.

It may be time for this chick to move on outta the neighborhood. I've done so well being here for over two years, and to date have only had one stalker, but I think I just signed up for another one!

Maybe I'll hang a giant cross on my front door, and keep away the pamphlet pushing pretend their cat is lost folk!

Signed,
Stalked in the Suburbs

Shane Grady

Four Boys and a "Lady"

This post is sharing very sad news as well as new beginnings.

Our beloved big-boned cat "Tom" passed away suddenly at 5 years old :(. We were completely devastated including Bob. Paul found Tom passed away on our bed, so at least we are comforted knowing he did not suffer. Cats hide when they are sick or scared, and, clearly, he was nice and comfy on Mom/Dad's bed...

We waited two weeks while myself and Bob cried our hearts out, and then we decided there were plenty of homeless cats out there who would love our home, hence... Four Boys and a "Lady"

We set out to adopt one friend for Bob, but, of course, our plans were altered since there were two brothers that needed a family. It's ironic, 'cause when I decided to adopt a cat 5 years ago, I met Bob & Tom (brothers) at the shelter and ended up with two cats, so, as fate would have it, we ended up with yet another two more additions to the Hinsman Digs.

So here I am surrounded by four icky boys (my husband and three male cats)... :>) The new additions are named Vin & 'lil B. Bob is enjoying his new friends and we are all getting along just fine. There may be some fur flying here and there, but, hey, I can't help it if I yank out Paul's chest hair when he gets me upset :>) -- just kidding!

Lesson learned, don't ever judge your neighborhood "Crazy Cat Lady" 'cause God knows how fate works...

Signed,
Just another crazy cat chick!

Girls' Gone Wild Marshvegas Weekend!

First things first, Millie the snowman was NOT included in the invite to Girls' weekend, so, boy, were we all shocked to find Millie philandering in her bathing suit hiding in the shower in KB's bathroom. She was in such a rush to get to Marshvegas that she put her bathing suit on over her Christmas sweater. Clearly, Millie will receive a fashion violation for that move! KB took advantage of some photo ops in the ladies room w/ Millie hoping to outdo her Christmas card this year.

Malone's new nickname is The Flasher due to, yet another, wardrobe malfunction -- Cha right, flasher!

Karla inadvertently became a thief over the weekend. The details involve 70 lbs of ice for the price of 10 lbs, and two cosmetic bags meant for rapping folk w/ big $ signs all over them, (Karla has a new nickname "Notorious K") for the price of one! Miss Ginny & Akan were also involved in the crimes by participating in the escapade and driving the get-away vehicle.

Diane & Catherine got clever by mysteriously inviting Mr. Scarecrow and skeleton man for the weekend.

Miss Ginny is no longer a lawn junking virgin, as Millie the snowman went to visit Ginny on Sunday afternoon for tea; however, Abby was not pleased w/ the visit and threatened Millie w/ a flying rat. Where shall Millie turn up next... stay tuned.

The Furnbergers have posted a $25,000 reward for their plastic bra straps, metal purse and other miscellaneous gifts along with other unappreciated gorgeous items.

The mushroom caper was rumored to have made an appearance and devoured all of Diane's yummy mushrooms. Susan shocked the crowd by eating two M&M's and cream cheese. She must have had such a sugar high from the M&M's because she was clearly discombobulated leaving all of her belongings at KB's house when normally so organized. By the way, I’m posting a great little clock and a giant tea mug filled with clam chowder and raw fish on e-Bay.

Maureen was a no-show. She’s probably still hitchhiking home from VT.

Sista Soul (AKA Scary Mary) was literally hanging around most of the weekend.

Anna and Susan have signed a contract with George Hamilton to start their own infomercial for their newly developed "How to get a scorching sunburn in 15 minutes and be psyched about it" lotion.

Thankfully MacGyver had her toolkit handy. The toolkit included a hair curler, a jelly filled munchkin, a gum wrapper, an M&M, a peanut, and a piece of wire. MacGyver is always shocking us w/ her capabilities.

MacGyver got KB and Karla hooked on Sudoku. The three of them have entered a world-wide Sudoku tournament hosted at the Ocean State Job Lot in August.

As the festivities wound down, a sign was hung on the Christmas Tree Shop entrance informing all customers that they were sold out of picture frames.

While I saddled up Pappy and ventured toward home, what did my eyes see, a torn and tattered philandering Millie traipsing down Route 3. Imagine my shock when she shouted she was heading to the nearest Born-Again Christian meeting sporting her "I Love Jesus" barrettes. Clearly, Millie has had enough of “Hanging w/ the wrong crowd”. Who knows -- maybe she’ll enter the summer Olympics!!!!!

Click here to view the ruckous photographs:
http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=vll5axu.1n7fr35u&x=0&y=2o2048

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How Is Your Inner Child?

Shy & Quiet...

My husband and I were chatting one night this wk about a friend of a friend who is shy. Here's the comical conversation 'cause for those of you who know me, you'll see the humor and I love sharing a laugh:

Me: "I am happy for XXX and his new girlfriend XXX. She's very shy and quiet but she's very sweet and I like her."

Husband: "I am very happy for them too."

Me: "I don't like to judge anyone because they're shy. They can't help it.
I can be very shy and quiet at times too."

Insert husband falling on floor laughing hysterically and immediately in between laughing gasps for breath:
"I'm calling Miss XX (a best girlfriend) right now.. wait 'til she hears this one"..

Me: "What...... I am shy. -- I can be shy sometimes. What's so funny..... Aren't I shy sometimes? I think I am..... what?...."

Husband: "I'm calling Miss XX, Miss XXX and my dad! hahahahahahaha"

Miss XX: "hahahahahah Give me one example, Karla, of you being shy!"

F-in-law: more hysterical laughter.."My daughter-in-law shy!!!!!!!! No way!!!!!!!!!! Don't get me wrong, I love that she's not shy.. but no way!
Honey, maybe while you are sleeping you are shy, but that's about the only time I would think you may be shy!" hahahahahaha

Then husband proceeded to remind me about how I talk about all the friends I met on the bus from day one of taking the bus, and my 3 new best friends at Dunkins who at 6 a.m. are like "Hi, did they find your ***car yet? How was your vacation? Did you find a fun gift for your niece?

Next day I share the story w/ Miss XXX via email and here's her response:

XXX: Karla, here's you on the bus:....
"Hi, my name is Karla. When I was five I got a bike for Christmas. It was my favorite present ever. Grapefruit sour candy is my favorite. My friend has a new boyfriend. I loved him before I even meet him. I got engaged after three months to the best guy in the world. KB rode a unicycle at the potluck and sent it as her Christmas card. One of my cats is on a diet. What, you're not keeping up with all this...."

So.... after some comical conversations w/ friends/family, I've come to the conclusion that maybe I'm not shy after all.....

***Car was stolen this past wkend but haven't seen the humor in it enough to blog about it. Stay tuned....

The Best New Year's Day Gift...

'Twas the night before New Years, when all through the house,
the cats were stirring wondering why on New Years mom was home in the house;
the empty beer bottles were stacked by the sink with care,
in hopes that lawn junking girlfriends soon would be there;
the Hinsmans were nestled all snug in their bed,
while visions of chickalobes danced in their heads;
when out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter,
away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the blinds and threw up the sash;
the moon on the breast of the new-fallen snowGave the lustre of mid-day to wonderful lawn junk objects below,
when, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but tons of beautifully placed lawn junk for neighbors to fear;
with a good and buzzed driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be the lawn junkers with wit;
someone whistled, shouted, and called them by name;”
Now, Tommy, now Tommy, and Tommy too,
Let’s make this yard look like a lawn junked zoo!”
So back to the suburbs they drove,
as they glanced back at their success of the lawn junked abode;
with the lawn junkers out of sight,
the Hinsmans screamed and leaped with joy “Happy New Year's Day 2006 and to all our neighbors, enjoy the great sight."

Stalkers need not apply (okay, well, please take a number at least:))

Here I am on a blustery Monday morning at my desk in my new job of one month.

To set the stage, I've been invited to a team outing. This morning, I'm at my desk, and a coworker (who I've known for one month) comes over to my desk and very discretely says to me, "Karla, can we hang out together tonight 'cause I want to make sure we sit together? I never get to talk to you."

There are 25 people on my team. As an adult, one would assume you just sit wherever your butt fancies at the moment of arrival at the establishment, but do I say anything to that effect. Of course, I keep my thoughts to myself and I accept the offer.

Honestly, immediately, I'm reverted back to elementary/jr. high days.

For you fellow bloggers who don't already know this, I have always attracted stalkers. For the past few years I've at least recognized this trait; however, I can't seem to cease it. I've been told, "It's because you are too nice."

So, what is a stalker magnet to do, I ask myself. Perhaps I shall I start being rude when I meet people.... Nah, that's not me.

The one method of stopping the stalker madness that I've often comically entertained is to tell potential stalkers that I'm not accepting any applications for stalkers at this time. Until an existing stalker stops stalking, I am unable to consider any new applicants.

So, maybe I shall create this scenario: If potentials stalkers are so inclined, please fill out the "I would like to be a Karla Stalker" application, and your application will be reviewed in the order in which it was rec'd and as a position opens up. Thank you for your stalking consideration.

I can't tell you how much laughter I've had and shared w/ others about stalking stories. And I must admit, that while I joke about it, I would never hurt anyone's feelings, stalker or not :)

And if this stalker business hasn't made you laugh, here's the picture that went out on my Christmas cards this year!


Santa Suit: $7.99
Fancy Boots $2.99
Tuna Treats $899.42

Fat Cat in a Santa Suit:
Priceless